


A Shitty Gay Song About You

by AppleCat4



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a song, Bisexual Sokka (Avatar), Eventual Romance, Eventual Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Gay Zuko (Avatar), Happy Ending, High School, Idiots in Love, M/M, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), Pining, Romance, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, sokka is oblivious to everything, zuko has a guitar, zuko writes a pining song for sokka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28866681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleCat4/pseuds/AppleCat4
Summary: Based on the song "A Shitty Gay Song About You." By Smoothboi Ezra. Zuko moves in next door to Sokka when he is 11 and the two become best friends. Set throughout the corse of a few years, Zuko falls madly in love with his best friend and begins writing a song about him. Basically Zuko is in love with Sokka and Sokka doesn't realize it until the end when he hears Zuko play the finished song.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 124





	A Shitty Gay Song About You

**Author's Note:**

> If you havent listened to the song A Shitty Gay Song About You by Smoothboi Ezra I recommend :) Hope you all enjoy! It might be a little ooc just bc of the setting so I apologize.

He remembered the night they first crossed paths the way one remembers most important life events, a singular pristine moment in time immortalized in his memory forever. It was the end of the summer of 2011 in late August. The warm, sticky weather had not yet faded into the chill of autumn and the sun had not yet set in the west, bathing the street in a soft, gentle orange glow. Zuko sat motionless in his uncle's car, face pressed against the glass of the window watching the perfect suburban houses go by one by one. The cotton bandages wrapped around his eye stuck to the tempered glass in the summer heat but he made no effort to lift his face. Slowly, they turned down one identical street after another until finally they rolled to a stop in front of a small, white house. “We’re here.” His uncle’s voice called out softly as the engine shuddered to a halt. 

The street was how you would expect a suburban neighborhood to look. Spread out houses with perfect pavement, pristine gardens and manicured lawns full of families enjoying the final moments of sunlight in their yards. The door on the other side of the car eased open and his uncle’s voice came again. “Nephew...we’re here.” 

Zuko grunted slightly and peeled his face away from the glass, grabbing his bag and stepping slowly out onto the hot cement of the driveway. His eyes...or eye technically….surveyed the surroundings of their new home. It was bland. Boring houses, boring people with boring bikes and boring mailboxes. Nothing like the bustling metropolis of Tokyo he had left behind. Gone were the electric lights of the city, the anonymity of the crowded streets and the smell of food venders around every corner. It was replaced by the soft subtle streetlights of an american suburb and the curious gazes of nosy neighbors. He sighed deeply, taking in the scent of fresh summer air. He was glad to be away from Ozai, but sad to be away from the place and the country he loved. After the incident Iroh had gotten a visa through work and had taken him away with him to start a new life in a new place. A new world. 

He surveyed the street one more time and his attention was caught by a slight movement in the upper story of the house next door. A simple blue curtain had been drawn back and a young boy's face appeared behind the glass, gazing down at the new addition to his street. Zuko looked up at the observer. He looked to be about the same age as him, brown hair falling across his face, tan skin illuminated by the street lights that had clicked on a few minutes ago, and large ocean blue eyes staring down. They locked eyes for a moment, then the boy in the house smiled and waved down at Zuko. Zuko stared up at him, unsure of what to do. No one waved at strangers in Tokyo. No one even noticed others usually, too busy with their own lives. A moment later however the boy’s attention was caught by a man’s voice coming from somewhere in the house and he vanished from sight. Zuko looked at the space where he had been and felt a pull in his chest, a feeling….as though something had just been set in motion. 

He did not see the blue eyed boy again for a few days. The rest of the summer he spent inside his new room, staring at the walls, telling his uncle it was the heat on his wound that drove him indoors and not the sickening feeling of emptiness that had begun to consume him. He knew soon he would have to leave the room. He would have to face this new world he had been thrust into, face the forgein sounds of American accents and the suburban culture he had no idea how to navigate. School would be starting soon and then there would be no escaping it. 

“Zuko! Come down here please.” His uncle’s voice drew his attention away from the ceiling and he stood up nervously. 

He padded into the hallway and down the stairs, and as he drew closer towards the front door he saw the outline of others standing in his house. Zuko tensed as he saw the outline of a large, bulky man against the door, but relaxed slightly when the unfamiliar face came into light and he was reminded that his father was thousands of miles away. “The neighbors brought cookies.” Iroh said, smiling. 

Zuko scanned over the neighbors and his eyes were drawn to a familiar face. The young blue eyed boy was standing among them, holding onto a little girl's hand and watching him with the same curious, cheerful expression as before. “Zuko, these are our neighbors...Hakoda, Kanna….Katara and….?” Iroh paused, forgetting the small boy’s name. 

“Sokka!” he said, turning his eyes back to the old man. 

“Sokka! Yes, forgive my old brain. This is my nephew Zuko.” Iroh said, gesturing to Zuko who was still lurking shyly in the shadows.

“Hi!” The young boy said, smiling and waving. 

“What happened to your eye?” The small girl, Katara, asked, throwing up a finger and pointing. 

“Katara!” The man scolded. “That's not polite.”

Zuko flinched slightly at the raised voice. “Oh sorry.” She said. “We brought you cookies” She held out the plate towards him, seemingly to have forgotten all about the eye already. 

Zuko just looked at the plate, then at his uncle. “Thank you! Won’t you come in for some tea?” Iroh said, taking the plate and stepping back. 

The family nodded and moved in towards the house, but Zuko kept his eyes on the boy now hanging from his fathers arm. The boy, Sokka, looked back as they walked towards the kitchen, and paused. “Are you coming Zuko?” He asked, smiling. 

Zuko paused, then nodded slowly, taking a few tentative steps forward. 

During that night, Zuko discovered Sokka was a year younger than he was, but they were in the same grade as Sokka was born in late august and Zuko was born the previous year in September. Katara, his sister, was a year younger than Sokka and was in the grade below them. Their father Hakoda worked for the military and often made trips to his base camp leaving the two children alone with their grandmother.

It had been nice to know someone his age on the first day of 7th grade, even though he didn’t believe Sokka would even talk to him once they were at school. He had never been one to make friends fast, or to make friends in general. But for some reason...on the first day of school Sokka sat down right beside Zuko in the cafeteria….and he never left. The months passed on and they fell into eachothers company time and time again. Sokka never asked about his scar, he never asked about why Zuko had left Tokyo and he never made fun of the way he pronounced words differently. He just stayed beside him, talking of his plans for his inventions, sharing his snacks after class and walking by his side on the way home from school. Zuko began to grow very fond of the boy, and soon he came to find that this foreign world he was plunged into wasn’t so scary with a friend by his side. He desperately wished that they could stay this way forever, but….as things tend to do….their relationship changed. 

The summer after eight grade brought change to them both. Zuko grew taller and lankier whereas Sokka grew muscular and his jaw became more pronounced. Zuko noticed a change in the way he viewed his friend as well. The feeling of friendship and boyish comradery he had held seemed to shift as both grew more and soon he noticed a soft fluttering feeling whenever he laid eyes on his friend. 

Of course, he knew they could not stay the same forever. High school brought changes not just physically but socially too. Sokka joined the soccer team and the swim team, spending most of his days at practice whereas Zuko joined the workforce, spending most of his days waiting tables at his uncle's new tea shop or staying holed up in his room teaching himself how to play the battered guitar he had found a few months ago. Still the two boys remained best friends, but something had changed. It no longer felt as though they were the only two in the world, and now others were noticing Sokka and begging for his attention. The naivety of a childhood friendship slowly faded away, replaced by the turmoil of adolescence. 

*****

“And then I said…..it's the quenchiest! Zuko…..Zuko? Are you listening?” 

“What? Oh yeah...the quenchiest...thats funny Sokka.” 

The blue eyed boy to his left squinted his eyes for a moment, then turned back to the shelf in front of them, attention shifting away from his friend. It was the summer before sophomore year of high school and the two boys were standing in the pet shop downtown, bikes abandoned on the pavement outside and the little money they had gathered from working or babysitting was stuffed into the pockets of their shorts. Sokka had been regaling Zuko of some story that happened at swim practice the day before, and Zuko had been spacing out, paying more attention to the supple curve of his friends lips than the words that were coming out of them. “Anyways, coach said I might make varsity this year! Can you believe it? A sophomore on varsity! It would be so cool.” Sokka continued excitedly. 

Zuko’s stomach flipped with dread. The more athletic his friend became, the more attention he seemed to curry at school and the more the little anxiety in the back of Zuko’s head reminded him Sokka would not be there forever. “That's great...buddy!” He said weakly.

“So….are you going to get one?”

“What?” Zuko turned to look at his friend. 

“A fish….that's why we're here right?” Sokka gestured to the shelf in front of them full of colorful fish and cheap plastic greenery. 

“Oh right...uh...yeah….” Zuko said, turning back to the animals. 

It had been earlier that week when they were hanging out under the trees in the park when Sokka had brought it up. He loved fish and all things ocean, and had begged his dad to let him get an aquarium but Hakoda had not allowed it, saying Sokka was too busy with high school to take care of it properly and too scatterbrained to remember to feed it. In a moment of idiocracy Zuko had then said he wanted to get a fish as well, and perhaps Sokka could come visit  _ his _ fish. Sokka had been so excited at the prospect of being “godfather” to a fish that Zuko had not had the heart to tell him he really didn’t even like fish. He just liked Sokka. That had brought them to now. Standing in front of the slimy creatures, trying to focus on which one was least ugly and ignore the butterflies fluttering in his stomach each time his friend looked at him, or laughed at his joke or smiled just for him. “What about that one?” Zuko said, pointing randomly. 

Sokka made a face. “Bro that one's so creepy. It's a weird color too. Fish shouldn’t be red. I don’t like it.” 

Zuko frowned. He liked red. “Okay...which one do you like?” He asked, watching the other from the corner of his eye. 

Sokka thought for a moment, then pointed. “That one! He’s so pretty and blue. I can tell he's a good fish.” Sokka said, moving closer. 

“Okay I’ll get that one.” Zuko responded, not even looking at the animal in question. 

“Awesome!”

They caught a nearby employee and they bagged the fish up for him and helped Zuko find the right tank and supplies for his new fishy friend. “What are you going to name it?” Sokka asked, peering at the creature through the plastic. 

“Uh...fishy?” Zuko said. He wasn’t very good at naming things. 

Sokka rolled his eyes and laughed and Zuko’s heartbeat slightly faster. “You should name it Frank. Frank the Fish.” 

“Alright...Frank it is.” 

“Hi Frank! I’m your new godfather! I’ll give you lots of treats and make sure this one keeps you in good shape.” Sokka said to the fish as they exited the store. 

Zuko snorted at his friend’s statement. “Oh shoot what time is it?” Sokka said, looking up from the fish as they got outside. 

“Uh….3pm?” 

“I have to go to practice, I’ll see you later Zuko! Bye Frank!” Sokka said, grabbing his bike and handing the fish back to Zuko. 

As he did so, his hand brushed across Zuko’s and he felt his breath momentarily pause. But moments later Sokka had vanished, back to the school, back to the others he had to share his friend with. Zuko sighed and looked down at the fish. “Just me and you now Frank.” 

Later that night Zuko sat on his bed, legs crossed beneath him, watching his new companion slosh about happily in his tank. He laughed slightly as he watched the fish nibble on some plastic plants. The blue scales were the same color as Sokka’s eyes. Zuko watched the fish swim around a bit longer, the memory of his friend’s laughter from earlier still fresh in his mind. 

Quietly he stood up and retrieved the small black notebook he reserved for random lyrics he thought of and flipped it open to a fresh page. He grabbed a pen nearby and pulled the cap off with his teeth, wiping away a spot of ink that dribbled onto his lip. He set the ball tip to the surface and began to scratch out a small phrase. 

_ Watching my fish swim in my room _

_ Fooling around I think of you _

_ No rhyme or reason you're just in my head _

_ And I'm alone in my bed _

He laid his pen back down, looking at the fresh words against the white pages. The word  _ alone _ stared snidely back at him from the book, and his eyes traveled to the window in his bedroom that faced Sokka’s. The lights were still off and no movement came from the house. Sokka was still at practice. 

A few days later school started again and the words remained forgotten, locked up inside the pages of the notebook. Life continued as normal except for the fact Katara was now in high school with them. They lived like normal teenagers, going to movies, classes, games...around october Sokka began dating Yue, a new girl at their school and Zuko thought his heart would shatter into a million pieces whenever he saw them together. The infatuation in Sokka’s blue eyes gazing at someone that wasn’t him. The soft touches and cuddling he saw through the glass of Sokka’s windows killed him. Sokka began spending less and less time at the tea shop or out in their yard and more time with her. Every week he felt his friend pull farther and farther away and all he could do was watch in sorrow, praying he would never break fully from their friendship. 

****

“Man getting your heart broken sucks.” Sokka’s voice was lower than it had been last year. His eyes were more tired and his facial hair had slowly begun to grow in, resulting in a slight stubble against his jawline. 

It was late January and the boys were sitting in Zuko’s car in the high school parking lot. The night air enveloped them through the open windows and the sound of shitty pop music coursed through the parking lot. It was the night of sweetheart ball and kids in formal wear stumbled about outside and in. Sokka took another drag from the joint poised between his fingers and passed it to Zuko who was sitting in the driver's seat. Zuko held it tight but did not bring it to his mouth. Instead he watched his friend from the corner of his eye as he flopped his head back, brown hair cascading down his temple. Yue had told him a few hours ago she was moving back to Alaska, and that they could no longer be together. She hadn’t wanted a long distance relationship, he had. So he had called Zuko. 

Zuko was at home that night, not wanting to be with happy people in a crowded gymnasium. But when Sokka had called him, tears in his eyes and voice wobbling he had come running. “That's rough buddy.” He said, unsure of what to say. 

Sokka turned his head and looked at Zuko for a moment, then smiled. Zuko’s heart felt like it was on fire as he saw the light dancing in his friends eyes again. He had missed this. Missed them. “I missed you buddy.” Sokka said, as though he could read his mind. 

“I missed you too.” Zuko said softly, handing the joint back to his friend. 

“Bros before hoes.” He chuckled, taking in another plume of smoke and exhaling it through his mouth. 

Zuko rolled his eyes, smiling as well this time. The light from the moon bathed the car in a soft haze that illuminated Sokka’s face perfectly, causing his tan skin to stand iridescent against the night sky. They sat in silence for a few minutes, then Sokka groaned and surged forward, hands reaching towards his phone. “Man this shit is so bad.” He said, gesturing towards the school where the song had just changed from Earned it by the Weekend to Hello by Adele. 

“Yeah tell me about it.” Zuko laughed softly. 

“Where’s your aux cord?” Sokka said, putting out the joint in an empty soda can and rolling up the windows of the car. 

“Here.” Zuko said, pulling out the little white cord and handing it to Sokka. 

Sokka fiddled with his phone for a few moments and soon the opening chords of  _ Friday I’m in Love  _ by the Cure came through the sound system. “Better.” He said, leaning back and closing his eyes. 

Zuko nodded, even though he didn’t particularly care for the Cure. “Damn this song always reminds me of Yue.” He said after a moment, opening his eyes. “What does it make you think of?” 

Zuko blinked, slightly caught off guard. He stared back into the expectant blue eyes next to him, trying to think of something other than the truth. “Uh...I don’t know...not having to go to school?” He said after a moment. 

Sokka laughed and threw his head back. “Dork.” He snorted. 

Zuko rolled his eyes and gripped his hands tighter on the steering wheel. “Come on, let's get out of here. Lets go to the lake.” Sokka said, tipping forward in his seat. 

Zuko nodded and turned the keys, making the engine jump to life. They pulled out of the parking lot in silence and they trundled down the road. Outside the car they could see the swarm of high school students vanish and with it the smell of cheap booze and crappy perfume. Soon it was just them, alone in the car….the smell of weed and Sokka’s cologne mixing togethe. “Man I wish Nirvana was still around.” Sokka said as the song ended and the low guitar of  _ About a Girl  _ replaced it. 

Zuko shrugged, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “I guess I never listened to them.” 

“Dude what? They’re awesome! Man I’ll have to make you a playlist of music to listen to.” Sokka shook his head, laughing. 

Zuko just rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat. They stayed at the lake for a while, talking, smoking a little and sitting on the hood of his car, letting the cold January air fill their lungs. Sokka mainly talked of Yue, but Zuko didn’t care. He had his friend back. Around 1am he drove them home and both crept into their respective houses. Zuko flopped onto his bed, knowing he should shower before the morning. His clothes smelled like weed and he didn’t want Iroh to notice, but he was so tired. Just then his phone buzzed and he saw a message from Sokka. 

**Sokka:** [ https://open.spotify.com/playlist/20LKsiDZd4ALrlihncFcFa?si=5MhvJp3-RomtvbjqulvKcA ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/20LKsiDZd4ALrlihncFcFa?si=5MhvJp3-RomtvbjqulvKcA) . Here’s some songs to listen to :P My favorite songs of all time. 

**Zuko:** I’ll give them a try. Didn’t expect you to make it so soon.

Zuko leaned back and clicked the playlist. The majority were 90s alt rock, not really his style, but he would give it a go for Sokka. As he listened to the sound of clashing guitars and gravelly voices, Zuko remembered the little notebook tucked away under his mattress and retrieved it. Under the lines from last summer he penned a few more. 

_ I'm listening to the songs you told me to _

_ I don't really like them but I'll pretend for you _

_ I'll learn some lyrics so I can sing when you do _

_ But I keep thinking of only you.  _

Just then his phone buzzed again and he looked at Sokka’s response. 

**Sokka:** Yeah trying to distract myself from Yue. I swear I am never dating another girl again. Too much effort. 

Zuko snorted at Sokka’s promise. 

**Zuko:** yeah bet

**Sokka:** I swear! All stag for the rest of high school. I promise you I am not dating any more girls for at least another three years. 

But he did. 

****

Suki moved to their school in the spring of that year, and Sokka fell hard. She originally hated him because of some dumb comment he made about the girls soccer team not being as good as the boys, but after she absolutely obliterated him in a one on one match they quickly became close. Zuko hated it. 

He hated the look in Sokka’s eyes as he watched Suki play, he hated how no one else seemed to exist to Sokka except this girl and most of all he hated that he couldn’t even hate her. Suki was smart and funny and talented and everything Sokka could ever want, unlike Zuko. They started dating after school ended that year and once more Sokka felt as though he were slipping away from Zuko day by day. Nights would pass and Zuko would lay on his bed, watching for the flicker of light from the blue house next door but it never came. Their nights at the lake dwindled until between Suki and swim practice Sokka was barely even around. 

That's why when Sokka had texted Zuko late one summer night, inviting him to a party at the swim captains house he had been elated. However, the happiness he felt was quickly dashed when Sokka spent half the time with the rest of his swim team, and the other half complaining about a fight he and Suki had had that morning. 

“I swear she's being ridiculous! I don’t understand why she's so upset.” He slurred as he took another swing from the red solo cup clutched in his hand. 

“Uh yeah...hey maybe slow down on the-”

“And then  _ she  _ went to some other party at the girls soccer goalie’s house tonight when she  _ knew  _ we had plans to come here tonight.” He continued, cutting Zuko off. 

Zuko’s heart ached as he realized why Sokka had invited him so last minute. “Uh….yeah….bitch.” He said half heartedly. He wanted to leave now. Zuko usually loved the sweltering heat of summer but right now it felt like it was suffocating him.

Sokka threw back the rest of his drink and flopped his head into his hands. “ _ Fuck  _ I can’t deal with this tonight.” He hissed, grabbing another drink from the cooler and sitting back down next to Zuko. 

“Everything’s already fucked as it is. Dads gone off to base camp again and this time we don’t know when he’s going to be back. Katara’s always off with that new kid Aang and I never even see her anymore. You know...every year we go camping in June just the three of us on my mom's birthday but this year….we just didn’t. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know if I remember what my mom looks like.” He took another long daft from his drink and wiped his mouth. “Maybe that's why I got so mad at Suki ya know? Like...nobody gets it.” His shoulders slumped and Zuko’s chest filled with a mixture of hurt and anger. 

_ No one gets it? No one gets what having a shitty life is like...oh no one gets what it's like to have a dead mom.  _ He thought bitterly. “That's rough buddy.” Was all he permitted himself to say. 

Sokka shrugged and downed his drink again, then turned to fix his eyes on Zuko. He leaned in all of a sudden and Zuko could smell his familiar cologne mixed with the scent of vodka soda fresh on his breath. His fingers suddenly came up to press against Zuko’s skin and his eyes seemed to focus solely on Zuko, a strange look of desperation ablaze in his pupils. “I just wish….” he whispered softly, thumb caressing Zuko’s cheek. 

Zuko’s heart beat faster, his hands felt clammy and the pounding of the party around them began to fade away as Sokka’s face drew closer. Suddenly his eyes were caught by something behind Zuko and he pulled back, smiling. “SUKI!” He called, jumping up. 

The rush of the party came back all at once and hit across the face like a cold ocean wave. Slowly Zuko turned around and saw Suki standing in the door, greeting Sokka with open arms and a gentle kiss against the lips. Jealousy roared in his chest and he pushed up off the sofa and began walking to the back of the house, hot tears pricking at his eyes. He had been so stupid. Stupid to allow himself to think for one moment Sokka had been about to kiss him, that Sokka could have returned his affections. Sokka loved Suki. Sokka loved women. Not Zuko….not  _ him.  _ Zuko took one last look over his shoulder at the two entangled together and pushed out the door, not bothering to say goodbye. 

He drove home quickly and ran to his room, ignoring Iroh’s questions and slamming his door behind him. Quickly he ran to his bed and pulled out the small notebook, flipping to the right page and uncapping the pen on his desk. Aggressively he penned out a new phrase, tears spilling from his eyes and staining the paper. 

_ When I'm not around you don't care _

_ And even when I make a sound you don't know that I'm there _

_ I listen to you rant about your shitty _

_ Life even though I know I can make it better.  _

He threw the pen down and glared at the words on the page, letting the sobs wrack his body as he surrendered to the pain that had been boiling all summer. 

****

“I don’t understand what the deal with mushrooms is. They’re disgusting.” 

“Mushrooms are great, you just don’t have taste. You eat that nasty seal jerky.” Zuko snorted. 

It was February of their junior year and Sokka was in Zuko’s room, laying with his head in his lap, brown hair falling across his legs. He and Suki had broken up around Christmas and things were slowly returning back to normal. The animosity Zuko had felt towards him had melted away and the two had been closer than ever the last few months. Sokka had apologized for being distant and a bit of a jerk while he was with Suki, and Zuko had forgiven him. He couldn’t stay mad even if he wanted to. 

Now it was valentine's day eve, the boys were watching Lord of the Rings and everyone else under the sun was out with their significant other having fun. Sokka twisted on his lap and looked up at him with those familiar blue eyes. “We should go do something.” He said, the scent of his cologne swirling about as his face drew closer. 

Zuko made a face. “Like what?” 

“I don’t know! I’m boreeeeed. Come on let's go out!” Sokka said, jumping up and fixing him with pleading eyes. 

“Come on Zukooooo.” He whined, shaking his arm. 

Zuko flushed slightly at the touch. “Okay fineeee. Where are we going to go though it's freezing!” 

“Hmm….the movies?” Sokka said, cocking his head. 

“Yeah right, everyone at the movies is on a date, it would be weird!”

“No it won’t! Come onnn their showing the new star wars movie we can go see that! Come on come on come onnnn.” Sokka begged, blue eyes wide. 

“Fineee okay we can go to the movies.” Zuko said, rolling his eyes. 

He could never say no to Sokka. The other jumped happily up and clicked off the TV. “Race you to the car!” he shouted, running out of the room. 

Zuko followed him, grabbing the keys and racing down the stairs. 

“That wasn’t what I expected.” 

They were sitting on the hood of Zuko’s car in the movie theater parking lot after the show, cold wind nipping at their noses. Zuko nodded silently, watching Sokka from the corner of his eye. The other shivered slightly and wrapped his arms around himself. In his haste to get out of the house he had left with nothing but a thin cotton t-shirt on. “Are you cold?” Zuko asked. 

“Hmm? Nah I'm fine.” Sokka said. His body betrayed his words by giving another shake. 

Zuko rolled his eyes and pulled off his sweatshirt, handing it to Sokka. “Here.” he said quietly. 

Sokka hesitated for a moment but accepted, pulling it over his head. He laughed slightly when he did. “Man I remember doing this to Suki all the time. She loved wearing my sweatshirts.” 

Zuko winced slightly but laughed. “Yeah...I remember.” 

Sokka burrowed deeper into the black fabric and inhaled slightly. “Smells like you.” he said. 

“I hope that's a good thing….?” Zuko raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh yeah I mean like it just...ah...well it smells good…. You smell good.” Sokka looked away and Zuko flushed pink. 

“Oh...thanks….” He said quietly. 

They sat there for a bit, wrapped in the silence of the night, watching couples stumble towards their car and exchange sloppy kisses. “It's getting late…..maybe we should head back.” Sokka said after a moment. 

Zuko nodded and they slid back into the car. It only took 20 minutes to get home and as they pulled into Zuko’s driveway they saw Aang and Katara sitting on the porch. “Are they dating?” Zuko asked, raising an eyebrow and killing the engine. 

“I don’t think so….” Sokka said, furrowing his brow. 

Zuko opened his mouth to say something but suddenly a large figure appeared in the doorway of Sokka’s house and he let out a cry. “DAD!” In a flash Sokka was out of his car and bounding up the stairs of his house, throwing his arms around his father who had been absent for over a year. 

Zuko watched as Hakoda hugged his son, and the others followed them inside. A small tug of homesickness festered in the back of his mind. Not homesickness for his family….but for something he never had, and never would have. Quietly he slipped out of the car and threw his keys in the bowl next to the door. Iroh was on a business trip for the weekend so the house was empty. Zuko made his way up the narrow staircase into his room and sat down at his desk to read before bed. 

About an hour later motion from across the way caught his eye and he looked up to see Sokka’s bedroom light click on. Zuko watched him as he pulled on pajama pants and climbed into bed. His arms went to remove Zuko’s black hoodie that he was still wearing, but he paused a moment and buried his face in the front, closing his eyes. Then he reached over and clicked off the light, laying down with the sweatshirt still wrapped around his body. Zuko smiled to himself, then went to retrieve the small notebook from under his bed. He flipped casually through the pages until he found the one he wanted. His fingers traced over the dried tear stains and the smudged ink from last time he wrote, and this time his grip was much lighter. 

_ And I'm not saying I'd be the best _

_ Boyfriend but I'd always lend you my sweatshirt _

_ When you're cold _

He snapped the book shut and returned it under his mattress. His eyes flitted back to the now darkened sill of Sokka’s window and he felt a heavy weight descend on his heart. This time next year they would almost be graduated….and soon they would no longer live next door. Sokka would go off to college, no doubt on a soccer or swimming scholarship and he would make new friends, new memories that Zuko would not be a part of. And Zuko would be here. Missing him…..knowing that they would never be back to the way they were. 

He closed his eyes and exhaled softly, and not for the first time he wished he could freeze them in that moment. 

****

But he could not freeze time, and the months came and went. Sokka and him remained close, but the stress of senior year pulled them in different directions. Sokka became captain of the swim team and captain of the soccer team that spring, and Zuko remained just a tea server at his uncle’s cafe. He did however pick up a second job, playing guitar at another local cafe on weekend nights. He had become pretty decent and even managed to finish a few original songs, but there was one song he could never seem to finish. The one he started all the way back summer before sophomore year that lay hidden under his mattress. 

And so time continued to pass them by, and the song remained unfinished. May came and went and everyone celebrated in Sokka’s backyard with a bonfire. Pictures were posted to facebook in red and black graduation gowns, college admission letters were received, and soon the hot summer months came again. They did their usual activities, staying up too late, smoking weed out at the lake under cover of night, walking barefoot along the hot pavement of the town. Soon June turned to July and the weather grew even warmer. Zuko loved the hot weather and the summer sun, he loved the middle of summer especially, for that was when Sokka was not team captain, he wasn’t president of the key club, he was just Sokka. They had more time together, but this year….the hot nights of summer came with a bittersweet tone. The fact that this was their last summer hung over the boys' heads like a dark gray cloud. The fact that this time next year….everything would be different. Sokka was going to school in Colorado, and Zuko would be staying here to help his uncle grow the tea shop. Sokka promised to come and visit, but Zuko still worried. 

It was one of these nights when Zuko first debuted his original songs. The cafe he played at was having an open mic night and the manager had convinced him to play one or two slots, so Zuko picked out a few of the finished songs from his book and played those. He had not invited Sokka or the others, they had some party going on at the new soccer captains house that he was not invited too. So he thought it would be safe to play one of the songs he had written about Sokka. 

The lights the manager had rented to illuminate the small stage blinded him as he stepped out to polite applause and the clatter of dishes. Quietly he pulled out his battered guitar and began to move his fingers along and sing the words he had spent months pouring over. When he was done the audience received him with more polite applause, and he dipped off the stage; yielding it to the next performer. 

“Great job Zuko!” His manager called from behind the bar. 

He waved awkwardly to her and moved through the crowd silently. “Hey! Hey buddy! Over here!” 

Zuko turned suddenly when he heard that all too familiar low voice coming from the back of the cafe. His eyes landed on the smallest table in the cafe, and there sat Sokka, Katara, Aang and Toph (a new girl who they had adopted into their group at the beginning of the year). His heart suddenly sped up.  _ What were they doing here? Was Sokka going to figure out his feelings….did he hear the song? Does he know it's about hin?  _ Zuko felt his palms begin to sweat as he moved his feet along towards them. “Oh uh...hey guys….what...what are you doing here?” He asked warily. 

“We couldn’t miss your big debut!” Sokka said, clapping his hand on his back and forcing him into a seat. 

Zuko chuckled nervously as the others agreed with him and stated their praise. “So….who’s the girl?” Sokka said, grinning. 

“Girl?” Zuko’s mind lapsed momentarily….then he realized.  _ Sokka had no idea.  _

A strange feeling of sadness and relief settled over him and he let out a breath. “Oh...yeah...girl.” He said shakily. “Uh….just...someone I met last summer….not important now.” he lied, averting his eyes. 

Sokka laughed and made some comment that Zuko didn’t hear and the chatter broke out again amongst the table. Zuko kept his eyes fixed on his hands, but when he looked up…..he noticed Katara watching him with narrowed eyes. 

He flashed her a nervous smile and quickly looked away, back at Sokka who was telling some joke about a cactus in a bar. He laughed along with everyone else when he finished, but let his eyes rest on the boy next to him for a few extra moments. Sokka had no idea….suddenly words popped into his head, and Zuko knew how to finish his song. 

****

The heat of July died down and soon the golden light of August came, bringing with it the summertime sadness of his best friend's imminent departure. 

“I can’t believe he just cancelled! How am I going to find another person to sublease this close to the beginning of the semester!” Sokka was laying on his bed as Zuko rearranged his desk. 

It was late at night, a week before Sokka was set to leave for Colorado. His roommate had called him earlier that evening telling him he had decided to go to a different school and was backing out of their lease and Sokka had come straight over to Zuko’s, annoyed. 

Zuko had been in the middle of organizing his room so Sokka had let himself in and he was now flopped on his bed, ranting to the ceiling. “What am I going to doooo Zuko.” He groaned, throwing his arms over his face. 

“Uh….thats rough buddy.” He said, stacking a few books back on the desk. 

Sokka propped himself up on his elbows and glared at him. “That's what you  _ always  _ say.” he rolled his eyes. “Also...why is your mattress so lumpy right here?” He asked, suddenly moving his attention to the bed. 

Zuko looked up just in time to see Sokka’s hand slip beneath his bed and wrap around the small black book. “No!” he said, jumping forward. 

As Sokka cracked open the spin Zuko snatched it from his grasp and slammed it shut, blushing. “What was that?” Sokka said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Uh...nothing just some...songs.” he said, unsure of what he had seen. 

“Oooh about who?” Sokka said, crossing his legs underneath him and fixing him with an intrigued look. 

“No one!” Zuko said defensively, shoving the book into a drawer and turning away, hoping Sokka didn’t see the blush creeping across his skin. 

“Come on Zukoooooo. Why won’t you tell meeee.” Sokka pleaded. 

“No!” Zuko said, crossing his arms. 

“Pleaseeee. Come on! Please please please please-”

“Stop it! Stop being so annoying!” Zuko shouted, clenching his fists. 

As soon as the words left his lips he regretted them. Sokka’s hurt face shattered his heart into a thousand pieces and the other withdrew slightly from the end of the bed. “Sorry.” he mumbled weakly. 

“No Sokka I-” He fumbled in the depths of his aching brain for the words to apologize. 

“No, it's okay. I shouldn’t have pushed.” Sokka said, but a distance Zuko hadn’t heard for a long time began to creep back into his tone. “I better go figure out this roommate thing. Bye Zuko.” He said, standing up and walking towards the door. 

“Sokka I-” Zuko tried again. 

“Oh I have some things to give back to you before I move….when should I come by?” Sokka said, cutting him off again. 

“Um….uh….maybe Thursday night?” Zuko said, swallowing his words. 

Sokka nodded and bounded down the stairs, disappearing into the night. Zuko hissed and thrust himself back into his chair, tears swelling in his eyes.

The next day he didn’t hear from Sokka. He assumed he was too busy packing. The cafe he played at was having another open mic night, and this time he knew none of his friends would be there. Sokka was having a final family dinner, Aang was off on vacation with his adopted father, and Toph was at her parents summer house down south. 

“Got any new songs?” 

Zuko looked up as the manager of the place appeared behind the bar. “Oh uh….just one.” He shrugged, tapping the small black book next to him. 

“What's it called?” She asked, wiping a glass clean. 

He shrugged, still lost in a sea of self pity and loathing. “Come on! It has to have a name! Otherwise it's not a real song.” She teased. 

He just rolled his eyes and a moment later her attention was captured by a customer wanting a refill. He sighed and flipped the book open to the page with the cramped lyrics scrawled upon them. He thought for a moment as he remembered all the times he had scratched out the phrases. He had been hopelessly in love with Sokka for four whole years, and now in just a few short days their time together was coming to an end. 

He sighed again and pulled a pen from his pocket, uncapping it and scrawling the words “A Shitty Gay Song About You.” On the top of the paper. 

A few minutes later the open mic acts began and he sat back patiently waiting for his turn. When the person in front of him finished and the applause died out, Zuko took his place on stage with his guitar and began to play. Softly the words tumbled from his lips, words that for so long had just been pen marks hidden beneath his bed. Words that held a secret confession to the blue eyed boy he couldn’t bear to lose. 

_ Watching my fish swim in my room _

_ Fooling around I think of you _

_ No rhyme or reason you're just in my head _

_ And I'm alone in my bed _

_ I'm listening to the songs you told me to _

_ I don't really like them but I'll pretend for you _

_ I'll learn some lyrics so I can sing when you do _

_ But I keep thinking of only you _

_ When I'm not around you don't care _

_ And even when I make a sound you don't know that I'm there _

_ I listen to you rant about your shitty _

_ Life even though I know I can make it better _

_ And I'm not saying I'd be the best _

_ Boyfriend but I'd always lend you my sweatshirt _

_ When you're cold _

_ And when you hear this song you won't know it's about you _

_ 'Cos you're oblivious to my feelings and that's fine _

_ But I hope when you hear it you'll add it to _

_ A playlist of your favourite songs of all time _

Slowly he finished up the last chords and the polite claps replaced the sound of his voice. He breathed in, stepping off the stage and walking back into the darkness of the cafe, lost in the memory of the last four years. Carefully he wound his way past the customers now watching the next performer and made his way to the back, but then froze when his eyes flitted up to the entrance of the cafe. 

There in the doorway stood a familiar blue eyed boy, illuminated by the streetlights outside and frozen in time, wide eyes fixed on Zuko. In his hand dangled a black hoodie, a black hoodie Zuko had lent him so many months ago and that unbeknownst to him….that Sokka had slept with every single night since that day. “Sokka.” he breathed out.

“Hey…” he said, and Zuko could tell that something had changed. 

“I...I thought you were with your family.” He stuttered out, pulse quickening and anxiety beginning to rise. What had changed?

“I wanted to see you play...and I wanted to….to give this back to you.” he said, not moving his arm that held the sweatshirt. 

“Oh...uh….thank-”

“Was it about me?” His voice came soft but quick, the lights from the stage reflected in his irises. 

“What?” Zuko said, breath catching in his chest. 

“The...the song….was it about me?” Sokka asked, stepping forward. 

The new position illuminated the rest of his face and Zuko could see his eyes gazing towards him, his jaw tight and his lips slightly open. “I….” Zuko started to speak but he couldn’t think of the words to say. 

Sokka took another few steps forward and the noise around them slowly died out. Once again, it was just them. Just the two of them standing alone in time, eyes locked on each other just as they had been all those years ago when Zuko had first seen those blue eyes peeking out of the upper story window. “Yes.” Zuko breathed out. 

Sokka stared at him for a moment, and then he took a final step and they were face to face, noses only an inch apart. The light danced across his face and in that perishable moment all Zuko could think of was that first moment they met. He had felt then an irrevocable sense that something was about to be set in motion, and now...as Sokka’s soft hand brushed against his cheek the same feeling coursed through his veins, leaving his heart ablaze like the summer sun he loved so much. 

As their lips touched the sensation rushed through his blood like a caustic elixir, pulsing through his veins and throughout his being. Sokka’s mouth was soft against his, soft and tentative, but as Zuko began to return this kiss his lips became bolder and pressed firmer into him. When they pulled apart Zuko could smell the familiar, redolent fragrance of Sokka’s cologne. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” he whispered against his lips.

“Me too.” Zuko responded, not wanting to let go of the moment. 

“Come with me.”

“What?” 

“Come with me...to colorado….” Sokka breathed out.

In the distance they heard the applause of the audience surge up and the fragility of the moment came rushing back like rapids pulsing against white water rocks. Zuko pulled back, eyes wide and wild. “Sokka...I...I can’t…”

“Why not?” His eyes were full of a desperation Zuko had only seen once, the night of the party when he had had way too many vodka sodas and had placed his hand against his cheek.

“I...my uncle….I…”

“Zuko...I can’t leave you here.” His voice wavered for a moment. “I can’t leave you. Not now, not when we finally...when I finally know….all these years…..I was trying to forget...I didn’t think you would ever feel the same and I…..”

Zuko’s heart ached at the sounds of his best friend's panicked voice and he reached up and placed his hands on his shoulders. “Okay.” he said after a moment. 

Sokka looked at him with wide eyes once more. “Okay?” 

“Okay….I’ll come.” 

Sokka breathed out and relief flooded his face as he pulled Zuko into a bone crushing hug. “I love you.” He whispered against his ear. 

“I love you too…” he said, the disbelief that after all those years….Sokka had reciprocated his feelings still raw upon his heart. 

_**TEN YEARS LATER** _

The warm, summer sun filtered in through the translucent curtains of the hotel and drifted its rays across the two sleeping bodies on the bed below the window. Zuko rolled over as the light hit his back and his eyes blinked open slowly. Beside him the other began to stir and a pair of blue eyes opened up to look back at him. “Morning.” he yawned.

“Morning.” Zuko said, smiling down at the man beside him. 

“What time is it?” Sokka asked, rolling onto his back and sitting up, allowing the white sheet to fall away from his bare skin and pool around his waist. 

“6am.” Zuko laughed at his indignant expression upon realizing the early hour. 

“I swear to god...if this is what married life is going to be like….waking up at...at SIX am?!” Sokka groaned, flopping back down to the mattress. 

Zuko rolled his eyes and shifted his body over his new husband. “Hey you should thank me. You would never have survived grad school if it wasn’t for me waking you up early.” he teased, slipping an arm around his waist. 

Sokka rolled his eyes and laughed as Zuko brought his lips down to kiss his stomach. “No I wouldn’t have survived grad school without coffee….and you...i guess.” He said, smiling down. 

“You guess?” Zuko quirked an eyebrow. “Who was the one who  _ begged  _ me to come to Colorado with him summer after senior year?” 

“Hey! At least I didn’t write a pining gay song about you and sing it in secret.” He teased.

“I didn’t sing it in secret! You were there weren’t you.” He huffed. 

“Yeah….but you didn’t invite me!” Sokka protested. 

He rolled his eyes and crawled up so they were face to face. “Well I apologize for my actions.” he said, laughter teasing his voice. 

“Too late now. I never want to see you again.” Sokka huffed and looked away, pretending to pout. 

“Hmm I think that moment passed yesterday when you slipped this on my finger.” Zuko said, wiggling his hand that sported a gold wedding band. 

Sokka rolled his eyes and gave him a shove, sending him back to his own side of the bed. “I’m getting some ice, its fucking hot in here. Did we have to have a summer wedding?” He complained, sitting back up and stretching. 

Zuko rolled his eyes and watched his new husband’s face shining in the golden light of the sunrise. The rays of light caressed his skin and bathed him in a warm glow that reminded Zuko of all the early mornings they spent walking to school together as kids. Never had he imagined that not only would Sokka stay with him throughout college and grad school, but that they would one day be bound together for life. He watched the man beside him slip out of bed and pad softly across the room. Happiness swelled in his chest as he saw the glint of the gold ring he had placed on his best friend’s finger the night before and he knew he would remember this moment. Just like that night….the first time he ever saw those large, blue eyes staring out at him...this too would be remembered.  A singular pristine moment in time immortalized in his memory forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys thought! Comments keep me going in life lol. <3


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